We made our way through baggage claim and felt like we were in the clear. There was one more stop and that was to get the rental car. We went to check in at the counter where overly excited woman was thrilled to tell us that we were a part of the Emerald Club. As if she were Oprah handing out cars on a Christmas special, she turned to Owen and told him he could go down and pick whatever car he wanted! Bad choices lady! Owen decided it would be in our family’s best interest to get a small car. He wanted the car to be white and to go fast. We tried to explain to him that if we got a small car all of our bags won’t fit and we would have to leave something at the airport. He didn’t care, he thought it was extremely inconsiderate of us to not respect his wishes, so he screamed. In a parking garage where everything echos, he screamed. He told all of Seattle how mean we were and that we “weren’t listening and he was going to put us in timeout!” Chris was trying his best to be patient with our son, but as he was unpacking the Jeep Cherokee that was too small for all of our stuff and cursing the fact that we brought the huge double stroller he couldn’t help but get a little irritated. The boys went to get a bigger car, and what seemed like 20 minutes later and an unfortunate $200 payment, a very upset Chris and Owen came back with a bigger black car.
The Blue Angels were in Seattle that weekend, which seemed very fitting considering Grandpa Roy was in the Navy; however, everyone and their mom told us how bad the traffic was going to be on I-90. With our navigation pointing us in the right direction we got on a very busy interstate. Not far down the road Owen announced he had to go pee-pee. We asked him if he could wait but he insisted it was “urgency!”, so Chris Starsky and Hutched it over to the the nearest exit and found a 7-11. As if he had already peed himself, Chris ran him inside with fully extended arms. In less time than it takes to go pee-pee, Owen walked out holding Chris’ hand, and Chris walked out holding a 6-pack of his favorite hops and neither of them looked thrilled. I questioned the rate of their return and Chris said that after he got Owen on the potty he started giggling and said, “I’m just teasing, daddy.” Owen’s big fat j/k and the renal car lady had caused my husband to drink.
It was a very confusing route to the hotel! We may or may not have made an illegal U-turn that may or may not have caused us to drive on a sidewalk. Everyone was tired and hungry but we pressed on. Then the backseat went quiet…..they were asleep. We literally had been praying for them to sleep all day and now that we were within 3 minutes of the hotel they nod off. Ever tried waking a sleeping bear? Don’t because you will get Owen. The high note that Owen can reach while screaming and crying will pierce your eardrums. I tried everything holding him, tickling him and leaving him alone but each thing I did made it worse. People in the lobby began to stare and question my parenting abilities….don’t worry folks I have none, so please step in and work some magic because we are NOT following the family motto.
We got to the room and quickly realized that this hotel was nothing more than a renovated assisted living facility. The good news is there was a button I could push to quickly get some assistance when the $#!% really hit the fan! BONUS, Seattle was in the middle of an intense heat wave, prompting heat advisories….and the air conditioning only worked, on full freaking blast, in the “living room” portion of the old folks home. If you took one step in either direction you no longer were in Antarctica and returned to Africa. This added a new level to our amazing moods.
Owen finally placed a finger on what the heck was bothering him…his toes. Now, I will vouch for the kid and inform you that he gets really bad ingrown toe nails, but on this particular night his toes were fine. When we are at home, we soak his little piggies in warm water with Epsom Salt. He has grown to love it and on most occasions I truly feel like I am running a toddler spa. I deliver snacks and drinks to him while he sit in a comfy chair, watching a movie, and soaking his feet. Unfortunately, I didn’t bring the majority of these things to Seattle and fear that I was going to have to push the button, I emptied out the trash can and filled it with hottest luke warm water those security driven faucets would let out.
We planned on sharing the bed with Owen, and the place was awesome enough to have cribs, which kinda made me wonder what they were used for previously but whatever I was super tired. Chris stood in the doorway of the bedroom assessing the situation, so I joined him and it was clear he was going to be sleeping on the couch. Homeboy and I have a hard enough time in a king sized bed with our big asses, so there was absolutely no way that 2 big asses and violent sleeping 2 year old were going to fit in a queen sized bed. I considerately stood on the bed to open the closet door and found Chris the extra set of pillows.
Thinking the day couldn’t possibly get any worse we decided to hit hay….then the night said “I’m just teasing!”